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Literature Text
Say something
I'm giving up on you
You gave me bits
But I found all of you
Say something
Talk to me
I glued you back together
Fixed is what you wanted to be
We talked
Day and nights
We had big discussions
Barely ever fights
You thanked me tons
But now you give me silence?
And then there it is, a fall back
'Please don't leave me again, I need your guidance'
Hun please, I can't miss you yet
I might need you more than you need me
So I'm glad you haven't given up on me yet
Maybe there's more to me than I can see...
I'm giving up on you
You gave me bits
But I found all of you
Say something
Talk to me
I glued you back together
Fixed is what you wanted to be
We talked
Day and nights
We had big discussions
Barely ever fights
You thanked me tons
But now you give me silence?
And then there it is, a fall back
'Please don't leave me again, I need your guidance'
Hun please, I can't miss you yet
I might need you more than you need me
So I'm glad you haven't given up on me yet
Maybe there's more to me than I can see...
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No idea why I wrote this o.O
I actually feel kinda bad about writing this... Why post it then? heckbecauseIlikeditanyway!
© 2014 - 2024 qwibes
Comments14
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critiqueWe had big discussions
Barely ever fights
Do you mean fight?
Overall, its a decent work, but there's room for improvement. For a start:
1) the rhyme scheme can be improved in the beginning.
2) The lengths of each stanza can be made equal so as to allow a decent flow of the verses
3) the delivery is well handled, so I'll let it be. Its well balanced.
4) irrespective of what was said in (3), it feels one sided, and not wholly developed. You might need to bring out the opinion/perspective of the man in this work as well. I'm sure you can handle that well.
